HEY! Read This:

     First of all, a real All-Nighter doesn't include any of this "I only got 2 hours of sleep" bullshit. It doesn't include that horse-crap where people spend all night writing a paper, hand it in, and rush back home to go to sleep either. If you're going to pull and All-Nighter, you stay up All Night Long and go to every single one of your classes, group meetings, and work, damn it! That said, if any of the above applies to you, get out of my face and make way for some real students.

     Secondly, this page goes out to all those professors out there who helped drive me to All-Nighters. You know who you are! There's a saying that in college, you have three options, of which you may choose only two. They are: A Social Life, Good Grades, and Sleep. Sleep never had a chance.

The Psychological Phases:

Denial: You still don't believe you actually have that much work to do. If you're really good, you've even completely forgotten what work you had to do. Life is peachy and as far as you're concerned; you can get wasted or go to bed early with no repercussions.

Wallowing: It suddenly dawns on you. You're totally screwed and there's nothing you can do about it. Might as well cash in the chips now, because you don't even have a high ace in your hand. Your GPA is going to hell in a handbasket. You have no social life. If you work every second from now until your first class, you might get one of ten things accomplished, but what's the point, really? There is none. This is the ultimate procrastination stage, when you do things like lay in bed, trying to get a grasp on what your game-plan should be or trying to get some shuteye so you can get up and do your work later on, but you're just a little to strung-out to sleep at all. You know you're totally shooting the crap around in your head instead of just doing it, but you can't bring yourself to face the reality of the situation. It's currently 12:45 am and I'm still in this stage.

Halfhearted Resolution: This is a momentary respite from Wallowing. Don't kid yourself. You're going to type out a heading, maybe even an opening paragraph, but it's not going any farther than that. This resolution lasts, at most, ten minutes, and can be cut off for any number of reasons– the coffee's ready, you have to go to the bathroom, someone knocks on the door or the phone rings, you Freak Out, your roommate comes home, whatever.

Freak-Out: Something snaps. Your Halfhearted Resolution to do it turns sour when you instantly become obstinate and angry at your professor, your school, even the educational system. The magnitude doesn't matter. You're unreasonably irate at how ridiculous and unsympathetic the professors and assignments are. You're making a STAND.

Obstinate Refusal: The Freak-Out runs it's quick course, and leaves you stubborn as hell. Your situation is so ridiculous, you steadfastly refuse to play any part in it. You wish the academic faculty was there right now so you could tell them how it is and give the system the big dis. This stage usually includes immersion in some alternate activity like video games, drinking, going out to the cafe or diner, or frisbee in the dark. Recruiting comrades in your rebellion helps perpetuate this stage.

Dumfounded Acceptance: You decide to be mature about it. You sit down at your computer and attempt to focus... and nothing happens. You don't have a clue what to do.

The Trance: Be vary wary of this stage. It's even more dangerous than the Obstinate Refusal, because it means your hitting the end of the road. You might snap out of it, or you might wake up 5 minutes after your class starts with your face on the space bar. This is where careful music selection, strategic alarm-clock setting, or an amigo in it for the long hall could save your ass. Shaking off The Trance is no fun for anyone.

Trance Recovery: Let's face it, you say, I need a break. Talking to yourself could be necessary. Walking outside in the cold or opening a window, or resorting into the wonders of caffinated beverages help shake The Trance.

Exhausted Resolution: You've written that first paragraph, you've tried to nap, you've Freaked-Out, you've Refused, you've Recovered from the Trance. You've got almost nothing left to give and you know it, but it's time to hit the books. No more horsing around; just trudge through the workload, fighting through droopy eyelids, blurry vision and a sore back. Sometimes, the only way you can go on is by reminding yourself that if you're losing sleep over this, you damn well better have something to show for it in the morning.

Panic: There's just not enough time. The Exhausted Resolution is taking too long, and you notice a pre-dawn gray light creeping into the sky. Get up, go to "the office", grab some coffee and pop tarts. You're on a Mission now! As my roommate says, this is when you get 8 hours worth of work done in 3. Adrenaline, coffee, and another night's worth of lost sleep are all on your side, pushing you to the final goal!

Relief: If all goes well, you still have time to study for the test while your paper shoots out of the printer one page at a time. You can even wander over to the cafeteria or the cafe and be the only one waiting for the place to open, proudly toting your completed assignments and study materials around.

Bitter Defeat: The Panic came too late. You procrastinated too much this semester, and nothing can be done for it. Wincing with scraggly hair and bags under your red eyes, you're horrified at the reflection in the mirror. The hideous thought creeps into the back of your mind that not only do you have to drag your ass through 5 classes with no sleep today, but you haven't done the reading, you've got nothing to hand in, you don't look sick enough to pull off that excuse and you don't even care to try. You're clearly going to bomb the test(s) and if you're really in dire straights, you're going to have to do it all again tomorrow night.

The Aftermath:

     You may not recognize your best friends. You may nod off during the test. Your teeth are all gross from the coffee and soda, especially if you didn't have time to brush them. Your back aches, your eyes are sore, everything gives you a headache and a pain in the ass. You employ the glazed-over blank stare for every lecture and don't even notice the professor asking you a question. It's almost as if the whole world's volume has been turned down, except for random incidents that startle the crap out of you or really bust your gut.

     On good days, you get a chill song stuck in your head that keeps you going through the day. You totally forget the conversations you have with people, which causes problems later. When you see classmates, you have the smug thought that while they were all wasting their time sleeping, you were really accomplishing things. Finally, you swear to every god you can think of that you'll never pull an All-Nighter again... and you'll be wrong.

You know you've gone too far when:

     ¥  You swerve for bushes and mailboxes on your drive home, thinking they're all giant deer making a fast break for your car.
     ¥  You accidentally go to the wrong classes, even though its the last week of the semester.
     ¥  You delete all the work you've done before printing it.
     ¥  You forget your roommates' names.
     ¥  You answer questions in class while dreaming with your eyes open; then you wake up and wonder if that really just happened.
     ¥  Between the time you see it and the moment your side view mirror ricochets down the road with a hideous metal-crunching sound, you completely forget that the telephone pole exists.
     ¥  Your eyelids twitch incessantly.
     ¥  Your brain goes into a dream cycle while you're working the late shift. When you go outside, you wonder why the sky is black and have a panic attack. Eventually, you settle down and come to grips with the fact that it's still night-time, you're still at work, and you still haven't slept.
     ¥  Hunter S. Thompson from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas keeps talking in your head.
     ¥  You nearly have a heart attack running around the apartment trying to find the fire, but your roommate had just lit a match to clear the awful stench out of the bathroom.
     ¥  You imitate a beached whale and then arrest yourself and change your middle name to "the mental train wrek".

(I could pretend these aren't from personal experience, but I'd be lying)

Fall 2000 - Who Needs Sleep?:

     I certainly didn't need sleep. In fact, I pulled ten all-nighters that semester. That's right, I kept a written record, so here it is. The dates mean I never went to bed that night.

September 12
October 8
October 15
November 13
November 16
December 5
December 7
December 11
December 12
December 13

     As you can see, the end of the semester got pretty rough. I stayed awake for three days, and only went to bed 4 out of a total of 9 nights from December 5 to December 14. I'll admit– that was seriously messed up. I can only remember bits and pieces of that week, and none of them are pretty.

Spring 2003 - Keeping the Tradition Alive:

     Yeah, here we go again. Spring 2003, my last semester, represent! February 23 and March 2 so far. I have a feeling its going to get really, really ugly after break. Only time and sleep deprivation will tell. Who says you can't do two senior projects & finish three majors at once? The extra work isn't going to cut into my beer time; that's for sure! Add March 23, March 27, March 30, April 6, April 13, April 27, May 1, May 6 and finally, May 7 to the list. I don't even know how I got through it, but its finally over! Sweet!

Your reward for making it until dawn...
Picture from the Garden Apartments at Ithaca College.